Pair the Board

“You’ve got to make a mess to clean a mess,” she used to say. I’d hear this as I walked into a room to see mom poring over a floor littered with old photos or business paperwork or vinyl albums. Or in the kitchen with pots and pans, cookbooks, spices, and Tupperware containers scattered across every usable space. Mom gathered a lot of miscellany over the course of time, but she was the rare breed of pack rat who are exceptionally organized. She had to be. And she went with the binge-and-purge method of de-cluttering; pull everything out and put it all back again.

As I sit here in my bedroom/office/poker lounge of awesomeness with a floor full of crap, I become aware that I have inherited a lot of those traits. The good news is that I’m organized. The bad beat is that I just have too much shit. That’s really from a lack of space though. I’m only working with one room here, and it’s functioning as my bedroom, office, workshop, darkroom, theater, linen closet, and library. It makes it difficult to keep things tidy and findable, and that only drives me crazy once in a while.

Like now.

As such, I’m right in the middle of another massive organization, and I think it might be serious this time. Unfortunately, the middle is not the most impressive stage of a massive organization. Useless shit is strewn across my room like the remnants of a natural disaster. A bad one. Among the things currently in the middle of my already-cramped floor are a suitcase, a heap of ‘i’ll-do-it-tomorrow’ laundry, a tire iron, two baseball bats (from my playing days in the big leagues), half of the clean clothes I own, no less than six pairs of shoes, a snowboard, a neck pillow, three water bottles, two bottles of vodka from Poland, and a stack of empty picture frames. And a dog. And on my desk? Another water bottle, a beer bottle, two coffee cups, a bottle of mouthwash, a CPU fan still in its box, a stack of DVD-Rs, an ashtray, three lighters, a bowl, at least a dozen notebooks, a hand drum, and a huge stack of magazines and bills. You’ve got to make a mess, right mom?

It’s all part of a work in progress though, and I think it will be my finest opus yet. I’m well on the way to re-organizing my room, and it is a microcosm of my life as I really think about it. Every few months, I become aware that my world has filled with clutter, just like dust bunnies that creep up along the floorboard. Once I know it’s there, I feel this overwhelming urge to purge all of that stuff and reduce, reuse, and recycle. The latest installment of this O.C.D. resulted from a bad day with my desk. I was looking at all the shit around my computer, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. A clean work area contributes directly to productivity for me, and I realized that I couldn’t have an organized mind with such a disorganized environment. Once I started cleaning my desk, though, I had to clean the bookshelf next to it, and that created another mess somewhere else. I’ve been chasing this cleanliness all around my room for two days now, and it’s culminated in a full-fledged fall cleaning.

Really since the start of summer, I have been on a sprawling, meandering whirlwind of a course, and my life doesn’t have time to keep up with itself. Paperwork piles up in the drawer, bills go unpaid for too long, and I start to wear clothes from the pile of laundry that I just never got around to folding. General disorder begins to set in. I must fight it. Hence I have gone to war with my environment, and so far this bloodbath is a virtual draw. We’ve both landed our blows, my latest being a huge culling of magazines and electronics that I could never get rid of before. Gone. Take that, clutter! This sort of organizational overhaul has partially spawned this website, too, as I look for a place to quantify my thoughts and dealings.

You’ve got to make a mess to clean a mess.

So, a quick one for now.

I’m spending more time dicking around with the site than actually writing or producing content so far. I guess that’s probably going to continue for a while, too. At least until I get the layout to look a little more the way I want it. You’re just going to have to deal with it.

It’s taking a long time too, not that I expected to just click my heels and have a website. But despite being what I’d consider ‘technologically inclined’, I’ve never really built a website from scratch. I realized that I didn’t plan my ideas out well going into it, but I really didn’t know what I wanted and what was possible until I was hip-deep in code. And I say ‘from scratch’, but I’m certainly not monkeying around in there and pushing too many buttons. WordPress is the engine behind this mad machine, and I had to get re-acquainted with that. It took almost a week of reading and testing and fiddling to get a proper starting platform.

I had a bastard of a time trying to figure out what I was doing about a photo gallery too. I kept trying all this crap, and it was all either too code-intensive or to limited in features or too ugly or what have you. I kept FTPing some new wizard plugin to my server, loading it, configuring it, trying it, and deleting it right away. Many times. Yesterday I finally found what I was looking for.

SlideShowPro is an amazing little piece of software that has so far solved all of my needs when it comes to photo presentation. It integrates with Lightroom, too, so it’s handy for my workflow already. I bought the CMS and the Lightroom plugin pretty much sight unsen, and it has already been well worth the price. I had no problem getting it set up and configured, and the galleries it creates are stunning.

I’ve only just begun to get some content up there, but check out my Photos page to see how it’s going so far. I’m pretty pleased with the actual photo presentation, and it’s infinitely customizable too. Much more to come.

Today’s bloggery comes to you live through tired eyes in the 44th row of my Scandinavian Airlines A330. I’m finally flying in the right direction, east to west around half the globe and back towards home in North Carolina. It’s the 26th of the month (I think), and I’ve been home for a total of 18 hours since I left for Aruba on the 3rd. I miss my bed, the dogs, and American sports. Like crazy.

I laughed/puked when I just looked back at my itineraries this month. Raleigh –> Miami –> Aruba –> Miami — Raleigh –> London –> Madrid –> Marrakech –> Milan –> Warsaw –> Copenhagen, and now finally –> Washington Dulles –> Raleigh! At one point in there, I was on four continents in three days. And there were some brutally long layovers thrown in just for my amusement. At least I’m quickly becoming a golden citizen to a couple major airlines. Total miles flown in the last 23 days: 15,723. I’m thrilled that Washington D.C. and North Carolina have finally peeked into view on my personal seat-back moving map display. SAS has been a pleasant surprise on this trip, one of the few things that’s gone better than expected.

I’ll throw some photos up from the WPT Marrakech at some point, but that’s about all I’d care to do with that. It was not a great trip, but at least I knew that going in.

Okay, then… Warsaw. Apart from upstate New York, Warsaw has to be the grayest, blankest place on the planet. The particular hue of depression that Warsaw is bathed in makes the actual color gray look like a rainbow. Crayola doesn’t even know this color exists. I was there for eight days, and I saw nary a ray of sunshine the entire time. It didn’t help that I had just come from Morocco and then Aruba before that. From 95 and brilliant sunshine directly to 29 with freezing gray drizzle.

Ah, but it wasn’t all bad. The best thing about EPTs are getting to hang with Mad and Benjo and some of the other perennial personalities. EPT destinations are usually pretty solid too, and indeed, we found plenty of interesting places to shop, eat, and sightsee in Warsaw. Shaun Deeb was there, as was Carter Phillips, fresh off his EPT win in Barcelona a couple weeks ago. And Jim “Mr_BigQueso” Collopy, fresh of a big online score on Tilt. The three of them and the three of us (me, Donnie, and Jeremy) had dinner at the “London Steak House” one night early in the tournament. Queso had been drinking since he was eliminated in the first few hands earlier that day. Carter lives in Charlotte, as it turns out. And Deeb is always a good time to hang with. I lifted two beer glasses and the salt & pepper shakers off the table. Will pay for them next time back. Deeb lost CCR too.

The tournament was great until the second-to-last day when all of the big names somehow bombed out. When the money hit at 24, there were still 10 or 12 notables in contention, but thy got picked off one-by-one before the final table. All except Luca Pagano who looked like he might even pull it off at one point. A bad three-outer proved that PokerStars online tournaments are just as rigged as their online site, though, and Pagano went out in 4th. A wealthy French entrepreneur, Christophe Benzimra, ended up taking home the title, his first and the fifth for his home country.

Oh yes, I almost forgot to write about this. Let’s test out video embedding in WordPress blogs. So, Gloria caught a bad stomach bug for the first two days of the event, and I ended up doing a few interviews for PokerNews. I actually didn’t suck as bad as I expected to. I interviewed him, Katja Thater, and Antony Lellouche before notifying the team of my retirement upon Glo’s return. I think my career actually panned out rather nicely. Here’s Deebs:

And so it ends; I’m finally en route home. As we get bounced around by the jetstream over the St. Lawrence, the cloud cover just starts to break up. I can see blue sky, green grass, and the colors of fall in the trees on the horizon. Sights for sore eyes, the likes of which I haven’t seen in weeks. I’m going to really make an effort to enjoy the next two weeks, and really the rest of the year. For now, I intend to get caught up on a month’s worth of photos and paperwork while I have a chance to, and then wallow in a near-comatose state of inactivity for a couple days. Then it’s off to Vegas to cover the November Nine before heading to sunny Portugal for more EPT shenanigans.

Further updates as events warrant.

I stumbled into Reina Beatrix International early this afternoon in plenty of time to clear Customs and locate the lonely American Airlines 757 sitting in seclusion in the middle of the long row of empty jetways. My face was still hot and my skin still tight from the sun and the salt, and I had a dry ring of sand around each ankle. Straight from the beach to the airport.

The big clock on the departure screen told me I had an hour to kill inside the terminal, and the gate area was packed with American senior citizens looking reluctant to repatriate. I snagged a pack of cigs and found the bar, tucked in between the other two terminal eateries with a yellow-brown cloud lingering up against the ceiling.

A cute Colombian bartender greeted me with a seemigly-genuine smile, and I ordered a Balashi, the preferred local island beer. I wasn’t really craving a brew, but I was politely obeying the handwritten message on the chalkboard that asked in two languages for smokers at the bar to purchase a drink. As I sat there all alone, I finally had a few minutes to reflect on my last 10 days in the little latitudes. Things went so fast. It was only then that I realized that I hadn’t realized how much fun I’d been having.

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

UltimateBet doesn’t do much in terms of live events, especially when compared to PokerStars (who are dominating the live scene on four continents already). Once a year, though, UB throws what’s rumored to be the premier poker party of the year. After about six years of trying and failing to get down to Aruba, I’m pleased be able to confirm that it is, indeed, the place to be come October.

They have a slogan for themselves down there in Aruba — “One Happy Island” — and the tag line is perfectly fitting from my experiences. Sometimes when I arrive in a new country, it takes a day or two to get acquainted with the sights and the sounds before I really understand what’s going on and how my routine will meld with the environment I’m in. There was no such feeling-out period in Aruba.

I had touched down on Saturday and taken the quick cab ride to the Radisson. I truly bleed black and gold when it comes to poker, and it did my heart proud to see the hotel and the staff liberally adorned with UB logos, patches, shirts, shorts, and flip-flops. Even the housekeeping maids were patched up. I grabbed a book of UB matches off the swag table in the lobby and when I opened it, I realized that it was actually a condom tucked inside a matchbook. I grabbed two more, thinking this was obviously fine foreshadowing of things to come.

After a warm greeting from the UB crew in the open-air lobby, I bumped into SusieQue and fstyfngrtps sipping on a tropical orange concoction in the bar. After the hugs and handshakes, I checked into 3622 in the third tower, the one farthest from the lobby and the casino. Big bed, nice bathroom, American channels on the TV, and a huge window shade on the far wall that hinted at a private balcony. I threw open the big slider to scope out the vista; single-masted sailboats dotted the shore of the perfectly aquamarine South Atlantic like a photo in a travel brochure.

“Oh shit, ‘Cuse! What up, bro?!”

It took an awkward half-second for my half-functioning brain to pull up the file for the person that was talking to me. On the balcony next door, two white boys and two dark island guys were peering around the corner at me. It clicked; the voice came from Matt “cwp394″ Ross, a fellow-Syracuse native and poker player. About my age too. The only thing that separated us was that he has yet to make it out of Liverpool and the great white north.

I first ran across Matt this past Spring at the Circuit Event in New Orleans. He was sporting a Johnny Flynn jersey, and we shot the shit about the Dome and the snow and Dinosaur BBQ. We never really hung out away from the tables there, though. The other whitey on his porch was Brandon “xblah” Riha. Brandon had come down from Auburn, and the two of them were my next-door neighbors in 3624.

Before I even had a chance to meet the two locals, Matt held up a trophy of a joint, raised his eyebrows and asked that magical question: “Do you blaze?”

Why, yes, Mr. Ross… Yes, I do.

After the introductions and re-introductions next door, I was burning down on perfectly-constructed roll-up of some mediocre island bud. This is literally within five minutes of my arrival. Many more sessions would follow over the course of the next ten days. Weed is a luxury that I don’t actively seek out when I travel, but it fell right into my lap this time. Matt had met the two locals, Juice and Jamilo, down in the casino. That kid can strike up a conversation with anybody. They were dealers in the gaming sense of the word, but they could also scrounge up a few grams of whatever you needed within 30 minutes at any time of the day or night.

It’s pretty easy to make friends on a poker trip, and the five of us would hang together for the bulk of the week, along with a rotating crew of onliners like “weeminer” and “bazeman”. Juice and Jamal showed us where the women were and taught us a few phrases in Papamiento to break the ice, and we taught them how to count cards at blackjack and how to three-bet shove on a flush draw. We shared lots of late-night sessions at the tables and far too many rounds of Aruba Arribas, the sweet orange drink of choice among the American visitors. Nectar of the gods. Jamal and Juice had joint-rolling contests. I’m talking serious museum quality rolling skills here. Perfection. We laughed and joked and swore and smoked all night every night.

Such was my week. Work. Swim. Drink. Smoke. Sleep. Rinse. Repeat. Fantastic.

The tournament itself was a lot of work, but it came and went quickly enough. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a vacation for vacation’s sake… in fact, even writing this, I can’t remember the last time I’ve been away for something other than work. With that thought well in mind, I decided to loiter around the island for a few days after the tournament crowd dispersed. It was better than heaven. I pissed the days away laying under a palm tree on the beach, a book in one hand, a beer in the other, and Buffett filling my ears and easing my soul.

There was only one thing missing.

<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>

The voice over the loudspeaker in the terminal announced in broken island-English that our flight was boarding. I polished off the last swig of my Balashi, snubbed out my cigarette, tipped the bar chick, and carried my half-ton of luggage to the gate. ‘Ross the Boss’ had hooked me up with some special brownies a few days earlier, and I had somehow managed to save them until now as I was getting settled into my window seat. They were amazing. My last conscious thought was how pleasantly plentiful the legroom was on this particular flight. When you’re 6′4″ with sketchy knees, even an extra inch or two in front means the difference between relative comfort and requiring a full day to untangle your spine after you get home.

Our plane broke free from gravity’s grasp with that familiar ka-thunk of tires and asphalt parting company, and I dove headlong into sleep recovery mode before we even reached the cloud deck. The tranquil shore was still visible out my right-side window the last time my eyes dropped shut.

Adios, Aruba.

See you next year; you can bet your happy little island on that.

Changes in latitudes
Changes in attitudes
Nothin’ remains quite the same
Through all of the islands and all of the highlands
If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane